Feb 19, 2014

Things That Make Me Undateable

You start to question your reputation when those mornings roll around and you have at least 10 text messages from all your friends emailing you the same article. Articles aptly titled, "Top Ten Reasons Why It's Your Fault Your Single", "Don't Die Alone", and "Maybe It's You, Not Them". Thanks for lookin' out guys. Last week, the same thing happened but this article via EliteDaily called "Reasons Why I'm An Undateable Girl" turned out to be quite hilarious and remarkably true. I was high fiving myself as I read off each reason why I'm an undateable girl. Along with the article, my family decided to tell me which one was my greatest single girl problem (I think 13 & 17 were the clear winners).

Here are a few of my additions to reasons why I'm an undateable girl.

I love bad food.
I was the girl that watched Food Inc. while eating a pizza and tweeted about how I was planning to go organic. I appreciate a fancy dinner at Wolfgang Puck. Sure, spend 80 bucks on a bite of meat and one piece of veggie. Don't worry, afterwards the drive thru at Whataburger is on me bro. I have absolutely no shame to say that I suggested Golden Corral as a hot date night spot. A man that can maneuver the line at Golden Corral and grab me a basket of hot rolls is a real man in my book. If you don't know the wonder that is Golden Corral, you haven't lived people.

My personal hygiene can be questionable.
I'll be honest, I've ran 6 miles in the morning and probably didn't shower for a good 8 hours. Between school, work, and workouts you're lucky I make it to happy hour with shoes on. Oh, and my razor has a tendency to hibernate during the Winter months. And to all you gals judging me, shame on you. Don't lie, you hate shaving when it's cold too. The struggle is real.

I disappoint people.
My new philosophy on dating is, set the bar low. Yeah, you read that right. Those first few dates are all about putting your best version of yourself forward. You go on running dates with your cute new Lululemon outfit and run 5 miles like a seasoned marathon runner. You cook him a meal that belongs on Pinterest along with a fancy bottle of wine that you researched to specifically enhance your dinner. You choose intellectual independent films that you say you've been dying to watch. When in reality, I can only run with that one Lululemon outfit so many times before he starts to think I seriously need new clothes. 5 miles turns into...well you're lucky if we ever workout together again. My idea of a fancy meal becomes spam and rice and I hope you enjoy my boxed wine of Franzia. Lastly, I watched Britney Spears' Crossroads in the theater. Enough said. I hate disappointing people.

I'm picky and fickle.
Pretty much the worst combination a single chick could have. I want a tall man, but not so tall that I wouldn't know what to do with you. I want a guy that runs with me, but not so fast that I can't be the perfect combination of sexy and cute while I'm running. I want a man that can sing and appreciates music, but not the annoying kind that totes his ukulele around and makes me feel bad about my love for Britney Spears. I want a traveling mate, but not one that gets so emotional over beautiful sunsets that we literally have to talk about all our emotions and how we feel about said sunset. Oh yeah, I want all this and more and I'll probably change my mind about it every 5 minutes. No lie. Wait. No, yeah.

There ya have it. My list goes on and on, but I think the world can only handle so much of my honesty in one sitting. I'm proud to be part of the epidemic that is plaguing the young people of America. Hope you are too...if there are any single girls left out there. Hello? Anyone? Anybody?

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