Feb 17, 2014

My Valentine's Day

How many of you were slightly disappointed when your token single gal didn't post the obligatory bitter story? Well first off, I really didn't want to be that girl...and I firmly believe that single folks are much more bitter on February 15th. For the past couple years I've spent the holiday with a handful of besties eating and drinking the night to a blur. Well this year a few of them actually found love and one of them literally retreated to the woods to escape this beloved holiday. Here's the breakdown of my eventful Valentine's Day or as I refer to call it VD. Not to be confused with the other VD. My sentiments are the same for both.

7:30 am: Woke up to two gifts from my sweet sister and momma. Sister hit it on the head as she gave me a bottle of red and my favorite guilty pleasure, Hormel's Alfredo Pasta. Thanks sis for providing my post wine buzz meal. I had bigger plans for dinner. I thought I was off to a great start and my life was so filled with love and all those other positive thoughts we singles cling to just to make it through each day.

4:00 pm: After work I decided to try to zen out and head to yoga before my massage appointment. It was a gorgeous day outside and I couldn't help but think of all the cute things couples were doing at the park. Then I saw a dead squirrel on the road. Summed up my life in a single thought.

6:00 pm: This was when I had THE weirdest massage of my life. I wanted to treat myself but didn't want to venture anywhere that offered a couples package. I went to a neighborhood Asian massage parlor that claimed it was a foot spa but upon further reviews on Yelp saw that they did full body massages at a cheap price. The only way I can explain the experience is what I would imagine a beat down and gang bang would feel like. I swear at one point I counted 6 hands and an elbow rubbing on my body. And since when was your armpits a pressure point that needed to be massaged? At the end of my session the nice Asian lady said "Hope you like, we do special for you". Umm hell yeah you did. She then proceeded to ask for my picture so they could put it in their system. She takes it with her cell phone. I didn't see the lady in front of me take a picture, but okay. I got this text message 5 minutes after I left.

The only flowers I got were from the creepy massage parlor via text message. Oh and you're welcome that I blocked out the dazed and confused look on my face. The guy behind me was kinda cute so I asked him if he enjoyed his massage. He said it was great and really needed it to relax before he met his girlfriend for dinner. Calm down bro, it was just a question. It was relaxing, provocative, painful, and a confusing experience all at the same time. I scheduled my next session for next week.

8:00: I head to WalMart to pick up a few things AKA more wine. It was filled with men buying last minute gifts. This guy actually asked me if I thought Beyonce's fragrance was a hit. Do I look like someone that wears Beyonce's perfume? Further more, do I look like someone that's showered all day? I then headed out to the highlight of my evening, McDonald's drive thru. I chose the one thing that never fails me, my Big Mac meal. I contemplated ordering a side of 20 Chicken Nuggets at the last minute but couldn't pretend I was ordering for a big group fast enough in front of the worker.

10:00: I finally get home after a really weird night. I'm greeted by my Pops. These were his very words when he saw me "Happy Valentines Day. You look pretty. But, you still have no boyfriend. You have no boyfriend." I laughed as one tear fell from my left eye. Thanks Pops, thanks.

The brightside of my evening? My DVR decided to throw me a bone and recorded a marathon of I Love Lucy. I decided to skip out on meeting my girlfriend for drinks and just call it a night at home. At this point I felt that it was safer for me to shut off all social media and enjoy a hot bath after my exhausting massage. I was perfectly content in eating, drinking, and Ricky Ricardo for the rest of the night. I thought it was safer to stay home on VD instead of catching VD.
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